It’s funny how time works, isn’t it?
I have so many things I want to do this summer!
I want to learn Latin, reorganize my room, find my ideal vocation, study for a lot of exams in autumn, do a lot of drawings, do all the sewing that has piled up, cook ramen, read all 15+ books on my shelve that have been waiting to be read for years, watch snowwhite in japanese till I can talk along, do some gardening, travel Austria, write to all my friends and that Japanese couple that spontaneously offered my friends and me a place to spend the night 2 years ago, find out who i really am and what the meaning of my life is, enhance my knowledge of Japanese Art History, learn how to wear a kimono….
Of course that can never fit into even the generous 3 Months of holidays Viennese University has bestowed upon us students. And knowing that… I put my effort into none of the above mentioned things!
The other day I read a passage in The screwtape letters by CS Lewis.(One of the books from my shelf😉 It is talking about time (letter XV): “Die Gegenwart ist der Punkt, in dem die Ewigkeit die Zeit berührt.” (The Present moment is the point in which eternity touches time.) This sentence really caught my attention. It seems really accurate… Once you stop thinking into the future or past and just enjoy the very moment you are living in it really feels like you’ve cought a glimpse of eternity.
One may have doubts about C.S. Lewis (some of my friends very much disliked the fact he used so many christian elements in his works, e.g. the Narnia tales) and not be very convinced about his theological views. The screwtape letters are theological writing, obviously. But it’s written in such a funny way (from the perspective of two agents of hell) even cynics might have a good laugh. Anyways, reading it I got a glimpse into the working of my own mind (and maybe the human mind in general?). I kind of had to laugh at myself, realizing I was doing some of the stuff written there…
Like there is one passage (letter XII) where the boss tells his subordinate about a guy who arrives in hell and realizes, “Now I see that I spent most of my lifetime doing neither what I was supposed to do nor what I would have liked doing.” (Nun erkenne ich, dass ich die meiste Zeit meines Lebens damit verbrachte, weder zu tun, was ich hätte tun sollen, noch zu tun, was ich gerne getan hätte.)
Thinking about it, I realized this thing I do: Let’s say I have to study Latin. I don’t want to, so I start doing something different in order to have and excuse not to do it. But I don’t tidy up my room or draw that picture I’ve wanted to draw for ages or call my friends to go eat ice-cream. No. I sit down in TV and watch silly TV shows or randomly browse the net, checking back on the same pages every 10 minutes, knowing nothing can possibly have changed in meantime. Anything as long as it can keep me from facing the fact I’m running away from my duty. It’s so silly!!!
And what’s even funnier: I’m doing the same thing right now! But one thing has changed: I actually enjoy writing this blog. So that’s an improvement … … Right? ;P